For me, it’s a loaded question that I have struggled with for many years. Mostly because I am a four time stroke survivor who most recently underwent two brain surgeries within a week on the West coast. I struggled between being the positive, happy person that I usually am and stating the truth of my hardships. I soon learned how to handle it especially once I recovered.
This question can be trickier when tough times happen during the holidays.
Three weeks ago, all was well with me and my family. We had a wonderful fall and were excitedly awaiting the Christmas holiday and vacation. When asked that questions, I was able to say “I’m doing well. I’m back to feeling like myself. I’m busy with Christmas prep but all is well.”
However, in the past three weeks, my life is more like a bad movie. My son was very ill with stomach pains, a fever, and nausea which led to a diagnosis of acute appendicitis. Within a day, we went from a doctor’s appointment to an Emergency Room visit to an ambulance ride to Mass General Hospital for an emergency appendectomy at 11:30pm that night. At each of the first two locations, doctors suspected constipation but our aggressive advocating for Zack led us to the correct diagnosis. Thank goodness we didn’t go home and just watch him. Twenty-four hours later we were home with a recovering, brave boy who now needed to avoid all physical activity (sports, gym and recess) for a month. But he was well and recovering.
At the same time, my husband found a suspicious lump in his groin. On the same day as Zack’s surgery, Brian had an appointment with the primary care doctor. (He thankfully insisted on keeping the appointment.) Within the next three days, Brian underwent an ultrasound that questioned cancer. We then saw two urologists who eased our mind a bit. We scheduled surgery four days later to remove the mass a week later. Surgery went smoothly but Brian still had to recover. Immediately post-surgery, the renowned surgeon and expert pathologists didn’t think the mass looked malignant. Despite an uncomfortable recovery, we had a lovely albeit low key Christmas.
Two days after Christmas, Brian went to his post-op follow up appointment in Boston (alone as we didn’t suspect anything) and heard some shocking news. The pathology report indicated that there were cancerous cells and Brian was advised to make an appointment with an oncologist.
We were shocked and terrified. We did everything that we shouldn’t….We googled. We stalked medical studies. We stayed in and spent time alone as a family (that we should do!)
I cried a ton as I was truly worried that he would die. What we read didn’t say this but it was hard not to go to worst case scenario. It was a terrible week!!
When people asked me how I was doing that week, I could barely answer. Terrified. About to cry. Worrying about what life would be without my husband. Wondering why we have to face more adversity. (Yet thankful that I am well enough to do so.) Unable to focus on anything. Angry that our family may need help again. Pleading with God for a good outcome.
I never thought we would come out of our Tuesday oncologist appointment feeling relieved that Brian has lymphoma. Yes, he has Extranodal Marginal Zone Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It’s a shock to both of us that he has cancer. Fortunately we were relieved this lymphoma is highly treatable and generally non-life threatening. Whew! We rode home from Boston anxious to hug our kids and relieved that he would live.
However, now that we basically know what he has, we are faced with the yucky reality that he will need to undergo further testing (at the least) and possibly more treatment and/or lifetime surveillance (at the worst.)
I’m journaling here are Target and have run into a couple people I know. I’ve gotten the casual “How are you?” question. I smiled and said “fine” to one person but opted to explain to a couple others.
I know this can be much worse but it still stinks. Zack has recovered and is back (earlier than expected) to physical activities. Brian is recovering from his surgery and will undergo a PET/CT scan as well as more labs next week followed by another oncologist appointment. My husband has cancer. Yes, it’s treatable and generally not life threatening, but it’s a new reality for us.
How are you?
I’m a bit overwhelmed, relieved and anxious for what the next couple of weeks will bring.
But I am also blessed by a strong and determined husband, a close loving family, awesome friends and a positive mindset. #TeamLisaAndCrew